Recess
"Have you ever done heroin," said Satan.
The teacher was talking about something unrelated. Satan and Tim sat together in the back row.
"I'm in fifth grade and also I am ten years old," said Tim.
"So have you ever done heroin," said Satan.
"Stop it, Satan," said Tim.
"If you just snort it, you won't get addicted," said Satan.
"Goddammit, Satan," said Tim.
Tim sighed and tried to focus on the teacher but he had no idea what the teacher was talking about anymore. Tim looked down at his desk.
In the cafeteria during lunch Satan started a food fight.
Tim sat quietly next to Satan.
Tim looked down at his plate. He poked a square shaped slice of pizza repeatedly.
"What the hell, Satan," someone said. "Not cool."
"Calm down, Satan, I'm going to tell a teacher," someone else said.
"Do you want a go smoke cigarette with me," said Satan to a girl who was sitting across from him.
"I'm sorry, Satan, I am ten years old. I am not even old enough to buy my own cigarettes. Also, smoking is bad for you. And you are probably like six thousand years old. It wouldn't work out. That age difference is too high."
"I wasn't asking you to marry me or anything, Jesus H. Christ," Satan said angrily.
A sloppy joe flew past Satan's face and landed on an overweight boy's shirt.
Satan offered Tim a cigarette. Tim stared at the square shaped slice of pizza and said nothing. Tim drank from a small carton of Dairyland brand chocolate milk. Tim poked a pack of Fruit String Thing Candy that was next to the plate with the square shaped slice of pizza on it.
Satan lit a cigarette.
"You're going to get an in school suspension," someone said.
"They're going to call your parents," someone else said.
Satan ashed his cigarette in Tim's small carton of Dairyland brand chocolate milk.
"What the fuck, Satan," said Tim.
"Thought it was empty," said Satan. Satan shrugged.
"I don't really care, I guess," said Tim.
Tim opened the packet of Fruit String Thing candy.
"Hey, can I have some of that," said Satan.
"Whatever," said Tim and handed Satan the pack of Fruit String Thing candy.
Satan put all of the candy into his mouth and ate it in one gulp.
Tim sighed.
"Do you want that cigarette now," said Satan.
"Fine," said Tim.
Satan lit a second cigarette and passed it to Tim.
Someone from across the table grabbed Tim's uneaten slice of pizza and threw it somewhere.
Later at recess Satan and Tim played tag with other fifth graders.
"Stop cheating, Satan," said Tim.
Satan was cheating by using Satanic powers to win at tag. Satan was preventing other kids from moving.
"Ugh, Satan, you're such a dick," someone said.
"Does anyone want to drink some 40s," said Satan.
"Beer tastes bad," Tim said.
"It's gross," someone else said.
"Come on," said Satan.
No one said anything.
"Tag, you're it," someone said to Satan after poking Satan really hard in the shoulder. That person began running away. Satan watched that person for a while and then snapped his fingers. The person tripped and fell on their face.
"Why did you do that," said Tim.
"Let's drop acid later," said Satan.
"Why did you do that," said Tim slower.
"Seemed funny," said Satan.
"You aren't nice," said Tim. "I don't want to drop acid with you."
In art class Satan drew penises and swastikas all over a sheet of construction paper with Cray-pas. Satan tried to draw penises and swastikas on Tim with Cray-pas. Satan tried to draw penises and swastikas on other kids with Cray-pas. Satan began drawing all over himself with Cray-pas. The art teacher came over to where Satan and Tim sat.
"What are you doing, Satan," said the art teacher.
Satan had drawn pentagrams all over himself with Cray-pas. The art teacher gave Satan a time out.
"You can't give me a time out, I'm Satan," said Satan.
"I'm your teacher, I can do whatever I want," said the art teacher.
"I can damn your soul to hell for eternity," said Satan.
"I can schedule a parent-teacher conference," said the art teacher.
"Do you have any bud I can buy," said Satan.
The art teacher made Satan sit on a stool alone in the corner. Satan smoked a cigarette.
"This is shitty," said Satan. He looked at Tim. Tim was staring at a sheet of construction paper.
Later Tim stood on the sidewalk and looked down the street.
"Do you want to smoke this blunt," said Satan.
"No, Satan," said Tim.
"What are you doing, idiot," said Satan.
"I'm waiting for my mom. I'm going home. You have to go home."
"I'm going to ask your mom if I can come over and play with you," said Satan.
"Stop," said Tim.
"Your mom will say yes because she likes me. She thinks I am good. We are going to smoke a blunt in your back yard," said Satan.
"Stop it," said Tim.
"I have some Playboys in my backpack," said Satan.
"Don't come over later, Satan, I'm tired," said Tim.
"You are such a fucking failure," said Satan.
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serge astapkov is the autistic editor of #imgay press. sometimes he writes things too. and he's on gmail chat every waking minute.